Under Pressure: Part 1

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I have been under so much pressure to have a baby recently, perhaps because I am 27? Perhaps, it is because I’m married and that’s the only logical NEXT step, or perhaps it is because that’s what society views as “acceptable”.

The month of May brought not only Flowers but Mother’s Day! That weekend I was wished a Happy Mother’s Day a few times, I wasn’t offended that I wasn’t a mother, nor was I insulted that people may have pre judged me, maybe because I look like a mother? I was however, observing that many young women were posting on social networks that they too wished to be mothers, that they wanted a relationship one day to have a baby. So the question arose, Does she want the baby because it comes with love, because she wants to be a mother, or because she wants to be recognized on a day that comes with SO MUCH responsibility?

click the following article I recently interviewed a married woman of 5 years to hear her views on why she had a baby.

visit web page The 23 year old Caucasian female has two children. She was married at 18 and two months later found out they were pregnant! What a pleasant surprise, she was using birth control at the time but it was meant to be for this beauty to come into this world. The interview went as follows:

http://psychzambia.com/mapsro1 Age: 23

continue reading Race/Ethnicity: White

just click for source Religion/religious belief: Missionary Baptist

Occupation: Stay at home mom click to see more

read article Marital status: Married

Years married: 5 years here

Children: 2

How old were you when they were born?

Baby #1:  Age 19

Baby #2: Age 22

Were you married before you had kids or after?

I was married before I had my first child.

Did that change your marriage for better or worse? The child’s birth added stress. Having to prepare for the baby and I found out a month after marriage that they were pregnant. It feels like the entire marriage we have had the kids. We have had to be parents since we got married.

Why did you have a child? We wanted kids, we discussed (the topic) when we were dating. We agreed on having children BUT I got pregnant on the pill.

Were you planning on having a child? Not so soon.

Did the child(ren) add stress to you or the marriage? Yes, we hardly knew one another, all the changes with becoming parents was so rapid.

How long were you together before you found out you were pregnant? 2 years dating and married for 2 months

Benefits of having children?  There are tax breaks. Our child added so much like, changed the way I loved my husband, seeing them together, looking at her for hours and seeing that she is a product of us. The only thing I’m called to do is being a mom. She changed my point of view, life in general; I saw differently how the world lives. I became more cautious of the world. She made me much more aware. They have also loved me unconditionally; there is a bond that I cannot describe to you, there is no feeling like when you walk in the door and see your children walking to you. They love me no matter what, not only cause I take care of them or bring them food but because I’m momma. I have a valued title. They fulfill me much more than any career could ever fulfill me.

Cons to having children?  Stress! Our friends weren’t genuine enough to stick around, I felt like the ones without children have abandoned us. The ones who were not married have stepped away. Life is a lot more expensive when you are a family, vacations are more money, doctor’s appointments, is the motel clean enough and the most frustrating is “child rearing”, it takes sooooooo much longer to get ready to go somewhere when one has children to be dressed and ready, the amount of confrontation while child rearing is THROUGH THE ROOF and I they always cause me to be late.

Are your parents still married? Yes

Do you feel your parents have influenced your marriage? Absolutely

Does the sex of the child make a difference? Yes

Final Words: I wish that we had waited a while to have kids, so that we could have been more established. We would have been more grown up (He grew up with his grandmother taking care of him and he had a cushion, she cleaned up after him. We were mutually spoiled by our parents) instead of fighting about things without compromise. I wish our first child would have had the calm that our new child has. On the other hand, we probably would not have had survived our marriage had it not been for our child and we probably would not have been together had it not been for our baby.

There were issues but we agreed that we wanted to raise our children together and I still loved my husband but I could not keep my child away from her father. I didn’t want to be without her, so we decided to work it out because of our children (I was pregnant at the time).

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